Monday, October 11, 2010

The Continuing Struggle...

I had really hoped to post some original work by now, at the very least a work in progress. Unfortunately, as I was discussing with a close friend last evening, I am too afraid. I know that I am afraid, and yet I find myself unable to conquer the fear. It is a fear I cannot understand at all.
As a child I was always praised for my writing. Even today, I know I possess a good vocabulary and an above-average ability to wield language. Still, I fear people reading my writing. When I was younger I would write long works for friends, often letting them read portions after I had finished only a preliminary draft. Today, I couldn’t imagine sharing anything rougher than a second draft with anyone. Even personal emails and Facebook comments/messages go through a rigorous screening process. It’s time-consumingly ludicrous. Extemporaneous writing was a specialty of mine growing up; I won many awards on second draft essays. Now, presenting a second draft of a story makes me break out in a sweat, and I’d sooner not turn something in then submit anything without multiple
thorough re-readings and re-considerations.

This insecurity is confusing to me, given that I have no idea where it comes from. As I say, I have been quite successful in my writing. Even the poorest of my efforts scores higher than average. Where does this fear come from? Why? I don’t know and so I feel unequipped to combat it. I am hoping to post something here in the next post, something original, something rough. Our drafts are due in class just next week, and I have another outline to write this week (I don’t think we have to use the outline as our draft). This blog is really helping me keep track of assignments in Creative Writing, and I admit that sharing these issues I am having with the process has made me feel so much better. I really hope I can keep this focus going, not just through the semester, but in the semesters to come. The enrichment I sought feel better then I predicted. Who knows, maybe I’ll try a theatre class as well next semester!

No comments: