This was not going the way she had expected. Why was it so hard to write 1,000 words? Usually limits were a burden, something to persevere against or labor under. Staring at her blank computer screen, infinity seemed a different kind of burden, an endless pit or never-ending night, some giant room devoid of oxygen. There had to be a generator something…some list of neglected and forgotten ideas free for the borrowing, the adjusting, and the fulfilling. A farm somewhere filled with soft, snowy white plot bunnies just waiting to be invited home.
You are much wiser than I gave you credit for. Moments ago I found myself bitter and angry with you, wondering why you would commit me to more work and stress, as if I needed any. But I was wrong, and I am sorry
Getting my Shakespeare midterm complete early gave me a feeling of satisfaction and pride I probably didn't deserve considering it was only "early" by a few hours. Still, when I remembered that I had set a deadline for more work on my story by Sunday, the wave of my self-satisfaction I was riding crashed. I re-checked my original commitment, and it was vague, as all the easiest-to-keep are.
When I opened the story to add something worth posting, it was not the burden or chore I expected. I told myself "Just one paragraph" and then it came: a fully formed idea for a handful of sentences. It's true, it was just one paragraph, but I am feeling that self-satisfaction again, as though I am finally starting to beat this Writer's Block. Hopefully this one paragraph is the first of many.
And I do mean many. Kelly, a long-time close friend who has moved to Utah and whom I miss dearly, invited me/challenged me to participate in NaNoWriMo, and because I love her and want to do something with her and because I'm crazy, I agreed. If you haven't heard of NaNoWriMo, then I will tell you it stands for National Novel Writing Month. Should anything about that title intrigue you, I direct you to www.NaNoWriMo.com for more information. Check it out, consider participating, I think we'll both get a lot from it.
So, now I've got NaNoWriMo in the background, but I'm feeling as confident as I think I could feel about it. I sketched out a few character profiles and came up with a few plot concepts and conflict scenarios. I have 2 weeks to flesh it out, but I have a really solid starting-point. Also, I'm not going to stress about quality. The key here is quantity, and I'm going to let myself create without critique. If the idea warrants revision, certainly I would do so. But to start with, I'm just concerned with length and word count. A second draft can flesh out concepts requiring, culling of useless bits, adjustments where necessary; what I am doing is giving myself the freedom to be terrible, which ultimately releases me from the fear of failure. Somehow this has resulted in the biggest creative spurt I have experienced in months, and it has translated into completing my Shakespeare midterm moderately early, as well as the posting of this blog and the progress within it.
Feeling pretty good, which is a remarkable change from the last few days. As the Junebug would say--ONWARD!